the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
