it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
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