im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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