hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
