I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
