dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Randomize
