how hairy? two words: wookie tits
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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