My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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