There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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