I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
