not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
