Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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