Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
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