I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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