Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
