so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you never un-have a 4some
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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