Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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