I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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