I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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