peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Randomize
