I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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