Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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