the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
