And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
