Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
