the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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