okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
