he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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