fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
