Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
