Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
