My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Where is the hickey?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
