Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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