Soap is not a condiment
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
