My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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