Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
