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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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