I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
