textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
