Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
