Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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