dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
