Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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