I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
