I don't usually arrange sex via text message
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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