I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
