I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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