Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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