If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
