Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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