and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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