I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
