the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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