So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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