i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
